Topangpecirita : Our Love for the Two of Them

Achieving one of life’s dreams is an immeasurable blessing. When the next dream is realized as expected, it completes the joy in this life. That is bigBro and babyGirl, blessings bestowed by the Owner of the Universe and the joy that completes our every gratitude for the answered prayers we had dreamed of and worked towards.

In our first year of marriage, when we were uncertain if we would be immediately blessed with a child because we had to separate for our respective duties in different districts right after the wedding, we were immediately blessed with the seed of life despite our short time together. This was something that had been planned and prepared as optimally as possible long before the wedding, as we were aware that the purpose of our marriage was to continue our lineage given our work conditions and age.

The birth of bigBro forced us to decide who would give in and move districts and jobs to provide a complete, inseparable family for the optimal development of our child. Working while continuing to accompany bigBro became a new challenge that had to be conquered. Serving people in the remote areas, down to the most isolated and untouched villages, gave bigBro a different educational experience.

BigBro grew into a boy who loved to play inside a honai (traditional Papuan house) because it was warm, and he would mingle with Papuan children who had not yet learned to wear clothes. He didn’t eat rice until he was three years old because rice was difficult to obtain. Sweet potatoes, corn, wheat, and tapioca became his staple foods. He had a gentle, soft-spoken demeanor and did not know Indonesian until the first grade of elementary school because at home we used English, and outside, most of the community used the local Damal and Dani languages.

Growing up in a house with only Papa and Mama, bigBro found it a bit difficult to socialize with new people. Because he was used to playing inside the warm house or honai, he rarely played outdoors due to the weather being 85% rainy every day throughout the year, which made his social development a bit concerning. Although his academic needs, nutritional needs with organic vegetarian food harvested from our own garden, and his emotional needs were well-met, we as parents felt that his social needs were somehow imbalanced. The disappointment in our parenting style for bigBro and the sadness of not being able to meet his social needs became a challenge for us.

Five years (minus one day) after bigBro’s birthday, babyGirl was born, completing our joy amidst the onslaught of the Covid-19 pandemic. Their birthdays were only one day apart in the same month. Less than 24 hours after giving birth, the four of us were already at home. Because Papua was in a total lockdown, we couldn’t go back to our hometown, and our parents couldn’t be present to accompany the birth process of their second grandchild. Our closest family were only our neighbours within the residential complex where we lived when we were in the city.

Raised in lockdown within a closed residential complex, babyGirl became accustomed to socializing closely with the neighbors. This made her very sociable and easy-going in her interactions. BabyGirl grew into a lively child who loved playing in the yard and was physically active with various simple sports. Many people became role models for her in speaking and behaving, making her very much the opposite of bigBro.

Facilitating babyGirl’s needs for emotional fulfillment, nutrition, and social interaction was relatively easy. However, meeting babyGirl’s academic needs was a different challenge. BabyGirl lacks proficiency in English because everyone in the neighborhood speaks Manado languages. Her attention span for learning is much shorter than bigBro’s, as she’s often distracted by people coming and going. However, when it comes to eating, there’s nothing to worry about with babyGirl. She is not a picky eater and is willing to try a variety of new flavours, even spicy ones.

We tried to provide everything equally for bigBro and babyGirl. However, the difference in parenting patterns and environmental conditions made it difficult for us to control what babyGirl learned outside the house. Although we believe our residential environment is surrounded by people who care and love our family, there are still differences in principles that are somewhat difficult for us to tolerate and apply to our children. One of these is because she was raised by many people.

Every child is unique and different. Although we try to treat them the same, many other factors make them different. Being raised in the interior and being raised in the city, of course, brings many differences in all aspects of life. These unique differences present a challenge for us as parents to be more creative and innovative in expressing our love for our two children, each with their own special qualities.

BigBro and babyGirl are our children, for whom we have responsibility and care and always proud of.

Kreator : Vidya D’CharV